Heartfelt thank you to all of you who left FB messages and sent cards!
Reading and rereading the variety of sentiments from “Stay Present” to the value of memories has been thought-provoking and healing.
Then there were people who wrote about our relationship:
"Few are so lucky to have a nourishing relationship, love which defies codes and bias. You two are a lesson of courage, loving support and determination to others."
"The love that the two of you had, the beauty of your co-symmetry and balance, always was so clear to me. What a gift in life to have had that kind of love—one so many never get the chance to experience."
"Your long, devoted and loving relationship and partnership with Linda was truly a match made perfect."
"What a great team you made: compassionate intellectuals, I will call you."
As for me, I am adjusting, adjusting to a quiet house . . . bouts of great sadness and missing her . . . . . . cooking for one . . not buying the blueberry scones that Linda ate every morning . . .(and not having Linda edit my blog posts) . . . !
But I am also keenly aware that so very many people are dealing with so much worse—wars, plane crashes, natural disasters, shootings, the national and international turmoil . . . .
I wholeheartedly do heed the advice of a friend who wrote—“take comfort in the fact that you two were together for so many wonderful years.”
I am also grateful that we lived during a historic moment when we could go from (what we learned later was a bit of a local scandal) to Domestic Partnership (2005), to Civil Union (2008), to Marriage (2013). The photo is from our ceremony that included these sentiments: “This ceremony today c culminates a long path for Penny and Linda, who have been committed to one another as equal partners for 20 years. . . . Along the way, they report that they have weathered the ‘for better and for worse,’ of life many times over. And they promise each other to steadfastly, confident and with good humor continue their allegiance and devotion to one another in what they have called their “lovingly and delightfully fulfilling life together.
Linda and Penny also have expressed to me their commitment to marriage, not only for themselves but in solidarity with the activists who have fought for the right to enter into the institution of marriage . . . .”
Many years ago, I wrote a book about the history of burial that is still in print— Corpses, Coffins, and Crypts: A History of Burial.
The last chapter is titled “Death is Everywhere: Images in the Arts and Everyday Life.” The chapter opens with the story and a image of a painting my mother, a well-known artist, painted after my father died in 1969 two months after his 50th birthday.
The last paragraphs reads:
"It is impossible to ignore death, even if we would like to, and even when we use euphemism to refer to death—passed, passed away, gone for good, checked out, kicked the bucket, gave up the ghost. Regardless of what we call it—death is still death. But fortunately people in all times and places have created an infinite variety of images, ideas, sights, and sounds to help us deal with death as we live our lives.”
Given what I wrote, it was fitting that Katherine T. Eatmon, one of Linda’s cherished students from many years ago, sent me her poem beautifully decorated and framed.
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